Wednesday, December 20, 2006
The magic.. is gone....
How sad..
It left sooner than i expected....
now, spit it out!
12:08 AM
Monday, November 20, 2006
Who would you be..If your life didn't have it's limitations?Who would you be..If you didn't have your resposibilities?Who would you be..If nothing was stopping you from doing what you wanted to do?Who would you be..If you were free?Who would you be..If you could be YOU?
now, spit it out!
5:35 PM
Sunday, November 12, 2006
now, spit it out!
10:04 PM
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Karma, as most people know it to be, is somewhat a form of payback for all the things you've done wrong.
Lets give a concrete example;
If , for a while in your life you played around with relationships. Cheated, didn't take people seriously while in relationships with them, lied to them, or any of the other wretched things you could possibly do while in a relationship...
This is bound to bite you hard... not on the ass.. in no other place but your heart....
When you find someone you love, you better be careful...
That person might just be your KARMA...
Your payback for all the things you've done wrong...
Instead of you playing, that person could already have had you at check mate...
Isn't it hard not being with the one you love?
Knowing that the one you love could never really love you?
Isn't it hard finding out that the one you love is your KARMA... your payback for all the things you've done wrong....
now, spit it out!
10:04 PM
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
gladesrl: you say you want the best for them.. gladesrl: we all want the best for those we love...
gladesrl: can't you be that BEST for them?
now, spit it out!
9:38 PM
Sunday, October 29, 2006
There are moments in life,wherein you really don't know what you want...You get curious, explore different things,try new experiencesupon impulse..without thinking about the future...Just to get that feeling of being complete..But does it really make you complete?Does it satisfy your craving, making it a good enough reason for your whole life to be thrown off track?All you care about is this moment,forgetting those plans that took you a lifetime to make...Will you be complete if you conform only to your plans, and the right thingfor you,for your family,for the people around you?Or,will you be complete,grabbing opportunities,taking risks,doing the craziest things in the craziest situations,doing things you never imagined,dared,nor or even dreamed to do...Is that really what you want?To follow a "to-do" list, checking every deed or task done?To believe our value is really based on pieces of paper?To be perfect, making sure each and every detail is in place?I used to think following plans would make me a better person,I was wrong...It just makes you feel worse than your supposed to when you fail them...
now, spit it out!
9:14 PM
Monday, October 16, 2006
Hopefully...The final, re evaluation...I have experienced a lot within this past year..I have been with different people, in different places, with different situations...I've been looking for the conversations That feeling of being complete, safe, and loved...By you...But no one is you...Why have I looked for you through different people?Why have I expected others to be like you?I can never share those conversations only we hadThat feeling of being complete, safe and loved With other peopleI have to learn to accept life without you,I have to learn to accept new peopleI have to learn to accept different experiencesI have to learn to accept someone not like you...I have to learn to accept..That..It's differentWhat is the point of being unique, if there would be someone just like you...
now, spit it out!
7:18 PM
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Ano kaya naisip nila..Noong nakita nila kami kanina, magkayakap....Pagkatapos noon,Ano na kaya naisip nila..Noong nakita nila tayo, kanina rin magkayakap...Ano kaya naisip nila?
now, spit it out!
11:24 PM
Monday, October 02, 2006
At hindi pa pala ako si SUPERMAN... - bow -Akala ko, nakayanan ko naAng gumawa nangMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadaming-hinga-MadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadamingMadaming MadamingMadamingMadamingNakakastressNa di naman walang kwenta..Pero may katuturan..Na mga bagay bagay..At kung ano ano pa..Na hindi nagkakasakit...Pero di pa pala ako si SUPERMAN.. - bow -
now, spit it out!
6:46 PM
Sunday, August 13, 2006
nakakatuwa...masaya tuloy ako....na nag agawan pa tayo...sa hotdog at avocado....pero nanalo ka...at nakuha mo....nakakaasar...malungkot tuloy ako...na ayaw mo mamigay...nang hotdog at avocado...
now, spit it out!
1:33 PM
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Minsan...
Nakakatakot pumasok sa mundo kung saan ang mga tao, naiiba sa iyo..
Hindi mo alam kung anong iniisip nila tungkol sa iyo...
Ayaw mo nalang isipin...
Kase alam mo na hindi nila alam kung ano ang mga pinagdaanan mo...
Hindi mo rin kase ito nakukuwento...
Bakit?
Makikinig ba sila sayo?
Iba't ibang tao dumadaan sa buhay nang tao...
Nagiging kaibigan...
Nagiging kasintahan...
Nagiging kaaway...
At kung ano ano pa...
At ayon nang kasabihan...
"Matira ang matatag"
Iba iba ang prinsipyo nang mga tao sa mundo...
Mahirap man isipin na hindi lahat nang tao ay makakasundo mo...
Iba't ibang paraan rin kung paano lumaki...
Iba't ibang karanasan sa buhay...
Iba't ibang paniniwala na namumuo...
Sari sariling responsibilidad...
Sari sariling abilidad...
Minsan...
Nakaktakot pumasok sa mundo kung saan ang mga tao, naiiba sayo...
Lahat tayo naiiba...
now, spit it out!
11:07 PM
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I'm not in the mood too....No matter how you push me to it...Don't expect me to do it...I can't force myself to something that i don't want to do...You can't force me either...I know everything is a choice...Therefore.. I choose not to do it... I choose not to force myself... I choose not to piss myself off by forcing myself to do it...I won't do it...I take full resposibilty for not wanting to do it..Now shut the f*** up!
now, spit it out!
10:51 PM
Sunday, August 06, 2006
It's here again...It's building up...There's not much i can do to keep it away...It just keeps coming back...It's affecting me too much now...I guess it's really time...It's really time to do what i was supposed to do when i found out...A week ago...It's too much now...I need help...Give me time...Give me space...To figure out whats wrong..
now, spit it out!
7:52 PM
Thursday, August 03, 2006
I'd rather keep my distance..That way i wouldn't be affected that much..By your unconscious stabs..Just leave me alone!
now, spit it out!
10:49 PM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
I guess when you choose to forget something
You do your best to forget itUntil your convinced it's goneI guess when you choose not to see somethingYou look right through itUntil your convinced you never saw itI guess when you choose not to feel somethingYou feel something elseUntil your convinced you never felt itI guess when you choose not to hear somethingYou listen to other thingsUntil your convinced you never heard itIs this the same with forgetting that feeling indescribable?I guess when you choose not to love someone anymoreYou leave that love aloneUntil your convinced you never loved that someone beforeBut you can never convince your heart to love someone, nor can you convince your heart not to love someone
now, spit it out!
8:39 PM
Monday, July 31, 2006
Out of all the people that have been in my life...YOU were the one i expected to at least CARE
now, spit it out!
8:47 PM
Sunday, July 30, 2006
I never i thought i'd see it again...The most beautiful love story someones ever told me....It was written about a year ago....And given to me by a friend...I forgot about it... But it fell into my hands again...Just awhile ago....---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------It was not as if they had planned it at all...In fact they didn't know exactly what happened. He just felt like being nice to her during the retreat, just for 'old times sake.' They used to be the best of friends but somehow something went wrong. A notebook of memories thrown away. And sooner than you could say 'come back', she was gone. The worst part is... she went off with someone else.But that day he offered to carry her bag (which expectedly, she refused) and kept smiling at her. Maybe it was an akward smile to go with his akward face. Though she would always smile back, a fact that made him feel all warm inside. He would hold her back while walking and walked with her everywhere (which meant he always had the chance to hold her back). To the dormitory, to the cafeteria, to the conference room, and to the chapel... The very memorable chapel.The retreat was like a blur but instances with her weren't. Her image is still vivid in his mind. From her very cute pajamas, to her crying figure inside her arms. To that moment up in the balcony of the chapel where the lone keyboard was kept in place."You want to check how many steps it takes to reach the altar? Who knows? One day you might find yourself getting married here." he teased her."Only if you walk with me." she replied."Ok," he said. "One.. Two.."It took seventeen steps all in all. From the entrance of the chapel up to the under-construction altar."Wanna go up?" And they did.Pulling back the small black gate in front of the staircase, they went up carefully. Their footsteps echoed throughout the isolated church. The workers outside might have heard; going upstairs might have been prohibited, but they didn't care. He sat down in front of the piano and she stood next to him. He started to play a contemporary song by "Freestyle" while she remained still. It went on like that for several minutes more. No sound except the music from the keyboard could be heard. She made a request."Play your song from me. That Lullaby..."He did have a song for her. A very simple yet sincere song, with amateur music and even rookie-level lyrics but nevertheless, it came from the heart. He started the melody but he didn't sing. The emabarassment and shyness was there. As if she was not his best friend for years."Sing it, please..." It was not an order. It was gentle which made his hair stand up.And he did. How could he refuse?"If there are times, you are scaredThink of me and I will be thereI'll hold your hands, I'll kiss your lipsNo need to worry, I will be there."Droplets of rain were starting to fall but it wasn't that hard. Just soft drizzles that seemed to play with the music."Coz you know, I love youI will never leave you aloneI'll sing this song just for youI will show you where you belong"She was listening, and he knew that. His voice was shaking and it was threatening to break, but it didn't."If you feel no one caresCall me up and I will be thereI'll hold your heart, I'll keep you strongIn your darkest moments I will be there"He was careful not to make mistakes but he ended up doing so many. But he didn't care, her eyes shone with pure emotion, but he made sure not to misinterpret it."Coz you know, I love youI will never leave you aloneI'll sing this song just for youI will show you where you belong"And the song continued to play with the wind accompanying it. It seemed like a concert of something powerful. So simple yet so magnificent."Coz my heart is in your handsYes I'll stay as long as i canCoz you know just how I feelYes you know that I love you."Then as the final music died down, he looked at her. She was crying...."I wish I never left you... " She said as tears were starting to run down her cheeks.He was dumbstruck. No, he heard her wrongly. She was happy with the other guy, was she not?Or was everything she told him over the summer fabricated? All those phone calls that left his heart hearting everytime. Why now?"I know i would be happy with you..." She was sobbing now. "I wish I was with you right now. Gordz, I want to be with you."He was devoid of all speech. Not even the longest poems could describe the mixture of utmost pain and happiness that he was feeling. He stood up and wrapped his arms around her feeling his warmth in his chest. His eyes prickled too, but he did not cry. The image of something so pure and solem, that was them.I want to be with you, Gordz" she said looking at him in the eye. "I love you."Speech came back to him. "I love you too."He debated whether or not to kiss her. He was very much tempted to, but he was afraid that she might think it was improper. It was really raining now. Her beauty was far beyond anything that he has seen. He knew he would always love her, as he always has."Maybe we should go back now" he said lamely.They ran loving the feel of rain pouring down on them. They laughed as they sped downhill, to the shelter that offered them protection from the rain. Entering it, they sat down at one of the antique looking wooden benches in the lobby. That akward silence enveloped them again. He wanted to ask her a lot of questions but somehow couldn't. He didn't want to offend her or anything. In his mind he was still together with the other guy and he respected that. She must have sensed it because it was her that explained voluntarily, and the explanation was simple: "fun" is not synonymous to happiness. She realized that she wasn't happy with the "fun" that they were doing anymore. Often times she was already dragged into it. He understood her but looked at her as if she was distant, as if it was still a dream.If it was, he still hasn't woken up.The next morning he wore her jacket not caring that the sun was up. The warmth did not bring him discomfort. After the morning sessions and confession they decided to have a last walk around the compund.They trodded on rocks and grass just inhling the view at first. Not very long after, he made a bold move: he held her hand. She made no efforts of taking it back"I wish we could stay here" she said to him."I know," he replied. "Tomorrow we have to go back to the real world and face reality.""Reality sucks!" she really did seem frustrated."It has all been like a dream.. A very nice dream..."As they reached the corner, intending to go back to the conference hall, they saw that the mass had already started. He was expected to play the piano. They looked at each other and said at the same time."We're late!" and they ran.Good thing there was a guitaris to take over for the first song. People eyed them, wondering why they were both late. They looked at each other every so often, hiding a smirk everytime they do. They knew the truth. Beyond reality was a truth which was bound to come out even if it was not the right time.So see? They hadn't planned it at all...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The marching was over..The cadets just finished their military training when he saw the other guy. His stomach curled up unpleasantly. He didn't know if it was his face, the way he dressed up, or his walk that irritated him the most. The other guy looked around clearly looking for her. But what was ironic, was the fact that the other guy held the position that he was enjoying last year. He looked at her and saw her cowering behind their other friends. He wondered whether this would be the day, whether she would do what he asked her to, earlier that morning...It was in the music room that their most memorable in-school experiences happened. And i was there that he hugged her from behind and whispered in her ear, "Please break up with him soon, I can't wait to be with you."She turned around and didn't say anything. She wore an expression that he could not decipher. Was it a smile or a frown? But nevertheless, the cold air coming from the aircon did nothing to help that sudden chll that went down his stomach. He became so scared. He did not know if she would indeed leave the other guy for him. But for the meantime he hugged her tight, while she was still his.And know he would know if she would...There was already a party in her name planned at one their friend's house.Problem was she didn't want to bring the other guy..They went back and forth with occassional screaming. Tears were heavily flowing from her cheeks. He was heartbroken to see her crying. Half of him wanted to go ahead to the party, while half of him knew he couldn't leave her. It went for long minutes. Then it was over in a way that even he could not remember.They proceeded to the venue. On the way, he didn't know whether to look pleased or sympathetic. In the end, asking lame questions such as "Are you okay?" and answering it himself by saying "It would be okay..." She would give him a sad smile.Everyone heard the news but still the party went on. With him holding the videocam, everyone ate including her. She got happier and happier by the minute and soon she was laughing again, and that gave him a push throuh with his plan. A birthday gift like no other. A video presentation. Then as if on cue, she needed to use the bathroom and used the one in their friends room. He suddenly became excited knowing that then was the best time to prepare the T.V. and the video. The turned the lights off and tried "shhing" some of their friends but to no avail. She got outside at last and he ushered her to the nearest of the seats. The video played on. It showed their friends with each of them having a birthday message for her. This included two of their favorite teachers. He even saved a slot for the other guy, saying that he would give her a taped message instead. (later he found out that he did in fact give her a tape but it was far off from being a birthday message.) After the messages, there was a slide show to the tune of "I'll Be" the first song he dedicated to her. When all was finished, he turned the lights on. He could tell that she liked it, and that fact made him so happy. She had tears in her eyes and hugged her. Much like the time during the retreat. It was the first day of their relationship.And the marching goes on...After a year he writes their story. To try and show her the love that was always there. To make her feel the love that is present. And to let her know the that will forever be thereAnd he writes:To my dearest Yonee,Happy anniversary! It has been one year of love hate though more often love. I hope always to be with you. To share every experience that you will have. To live a life with you here by my side. Nothing will change how i feel for you and I know this because what I feel is love. Something deeper that life itself. I love you always and forever.Your Gordz
now, spit it out!
11:04 PM
I know things were never perfect...
I gave you a hard time through most of it...
I know i made a lot of mistakes....
I even denied your existence a few times...
I never really thought about my faults till now....
And it has been quite awhile...
Its now that your denying my existence...
I stopped to contemplate....
This must have been how you felt...
I was never sensitive to your needs....
It must have hurt a lot...
What your making me feel is not even a bit of how you must have felt...
I deserve much more pain...
It's hard to know that i treated someone that way....
For the first time...
I'll acknowledge my faults... I swear i never knew......
I'm really really sorry...
That i ever hurt you.....
now, spit it out!
7:47 PM
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Kung lahat nang pinapakita mo sa akin...Palabas lang para sa mga tao sa paligid...Wag na...Sayang oras mo...Lam ko naman mahalaga yun sayo...Diba?
now, spit it out!
9:52 PM
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Some of us were not blessed with the luxury of time to put our feet up, watch people us pass by, enjoy life to the fullest with parties and booze....There are responsibilities in which we have to fulfill not just to ourselves but to the only family we have left....Sacrifices have to be made....Even our youth..........Life is so short.......We have to life to the fullest.....But we are not the only people on this earth... Some people are actually counting on us to make a difference....And therefore we cannot only be thinking about ourselves and the lives we are living.....
now, spit it out!
8:05 PM
This is all too weird....I thought everything was ok between us....I guess its not.....I just dont know what you want me to think......Its so frustrating.....I swear.....I'm disappointed....I feel so stupid..........Why do you keep making me feel this way.....??Its as if...Trying to make things alright....Was nothing but a fuc****g mistake......
now, spit it out!
2:07 PM
Monday, July 24, 2006
I started this day as nothing
I ended this day as nothing
So what happened??
Nothing......
Parang pabigat nalang ako sa mundo... wala akong nagagawa... wala rin akong naitutulong....
Wala akong kwentang tao....
----bow----
now, spit it out!
10:02 PM
Test Pics..... :D
now, spit it out!
9:22 AM
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Lord,I pray for the people who will get affected by Glenda...I feel bad for praying and hoping there would be no classes tomorrow......My prayers were answered....But to bad... they were answered by a storm...Amen
now, spit it out!
10:17 PM
Nagsasawa na ako...This is really getting boring...Having nothing to do.....Shit.......Sana.....I was doing nothing.....But getting something good out of it.....Sana lumakas yung ulan....Para maging bagyo.....Para wala nang school bukas....Sawang sawa na ako.....
now, spit it out!
4:38 PM
Sometimes...
you tend to see what you what you don't want to see....
Other times...
you tend to see what you what you want to see.....
it makes sense.
now, spit it out!
12:26 PM
Monday, July 10, 2006
Its hard.... when you think you know something but you find out it's nothing but bulls***
now, spit it out!
7:43 PM
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
The world will not stop just for you...
now, spit it out!
10:18 AM
